


Captain, You Made Bail.

by A55hole69



Series: Paint the Town [15]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Crack, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Graffiti, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Sex Talk, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24199030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A55hole69/pseuds/A55hole69
Summary: "As long as you're aware of that, because I will kill you. Slowly. Painfully. Bloody. "Bucky put a hand in the billionaire's, "Doll, we get it." He looked at Steve, "Tony is not the only one you have to worry about, if you get Klaus in any kind of trouble, he will be the least of your worries."Klaus rolled his eyes, "Guys, this is ridiculous. I have done so many illegal things, and not once have I been arrested. I doubt it is happening anytime soon."____________Klaus sat next to Steve in the jail cell, arms crossed and a frown deeper than the grand canyon. Steve looked sheepish next to him, occasionally glancing at the younger blond, trying to say something. He opened his mouth, but was cut off by a lethal glare. Steve ducked his head and awkwardly cleared his throat.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Series: Paint the Town [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1362460
Kudos: 57





	Captain, You Made Bail.

"Captain, looks like you made bail." The police officer unlocked the jail cell and Steve walked out, following him to the front desk, where he saw Klaus. The kid was wearing a neon pink hoodie, and black basketball shorts, with round framed glasses, perched on his nose. He was leaning against a wall, on his phone, eating red vines. Steve collected his belongings, and signed the necessary papers, before walking toward Klaus.

"Thanks for bailing me out, again." 

Klaus looked up and smiled, "No problem. What was it this time? Did someone say they don't pay taxes? Let me guess, they don't vote? How scandalous?" 

Steve frowned, "Don't joke about that, those are very serious matters." 

Klaus rolled his eyes, "Seriously, what was it?" 

"Some drunk asshole interrupted my date, and it was going so well. That guy's never gonna call me again." 

"Don't get your hopes up, people these days might like shit like that. I had a date that asked to suck my toes, getting into a fight isn't that bad." They got into Klaus' blue jeep, and he drove out of the parking lot.

Steve looked across at him, "Seriously? That's gross. What did you you?" 

"I got a pedicure and let him do it on the second date, it's not the weirdest thing I've done in bed, and it wasn't that bad. I'm in no position to kink shame anyone." 

Steve grimaced, "That's disgusting, I could never do something like that." 

Klaus shrugged, "I'm not one to deny anyone, except that girl that asked me to piss on her. I'm into most things, and that's just not one of them. I hope she found someone to do that to her, she deserves to be happy." 

"Who the hell do you go out with?"

"It's tinder, dude. You never know what you're gonna get. When you first meet them they look so ordinary, but when it gets to the sexy times, that's when the gloves come off. I'm talking bondage, crying, knife play, blood sucking, choking, you name it. People these days aren't afraid to show anyone how kinky they really are, and I love it." 

Steve gave Klaus a look that could be described as disappointment, but also pride. Klaus wasn't sure how to interpret it. "How did we arrive at this topic exactly?" 

Klaus shrugged, "I have no idea, dude." 

They sat in moderate silence for a while, the city around them alive and louder than ever, Steve turned to Klaus, "Don't tell, Bucky. I don't need him yelling at me again. The first six times were enough." 

"You ever try not getting into fights? I think he would love that." 

"I'll stop getting into fights when people stop being assholes." 

Klaus laughed, "You're gonna be fighting till you die, it's impossible to cure stupid." 

"I'll go out feeling good that I, at least did something, instead of those people who stand on the side and just watch shit happen." 

"Good luck to you then." 

__________

"How is it, that you've never been to jail? I know for a fact you do way more than get into bar fights." Steve asked while they were in the gym, he was spotting Klaus while the boy died, lifting two hundred pounds. 

Klaus grunted and pushed the bar upwards, "I'm not stupid. Never let anyone witness your crime....it's why I never get into fights any more. I find words, and bribery work a lot better than punches." 

"In other words, you've gone soft." 

Klaus groaned, "I imagine that jail is probably just like that tiny cell Hydra kept me in for fifteen years, I'm not going back. Ever. But, I can't help pissing authorities off, so I have to be quick. Invisible." Steve grabbed the bar from the struggling boy, and put it up. Klaus sat up and panted, "That was horrible. I hate you, Steve."

"You really got everything but the strength, huh?" Steve watched as the blond begrudgingly put his boxing gloves on, "I thought you were faking at first, but it's been seven years." 

"What I lack in strength and stamina, I make up for in baking and tv watching. You might be able to lift two thousand pounds, but can you binge watch a show for three days straight, only ever leaving the couch to go to the bathroom?" 

Steve raised an eyebrow, "I don't think anyone can do that Klaus, or should. That sounds very unhealthy."

They moved to the punching bags, "Well, it's not like I do it everyday, just like, twice a month or so. Also, if you don't take twenty minute power naps every eight hours, by day three you're gonna start seeing things. I made that mistake once, I almost died when when I saw my face melting in the mirror."

Steve helped the boy with his techniques, even though they were perfect, but this was necessary. With Klaus being so damned lazy, the kid was starting to get out of shape, and if he was attacked, it would not be good for him at all.

Steve broke the silence,"Let's hang out tonight. I barely ever see you anymore." 

"You see me everyday when you torture me with this, Steve." 

"But I never see you outside of this. We should have some father son bonding time." 

Klaus shrugged, wiping sweat from his brow, "That's fine. I guess you could tag along with me, I was going to do some painting tonight."

"Like art class?" 

Klaus snorted, "Sure, let's call it that."

___________

"Why did I not expect this?" Steve asked as he shook the can of paint Klaus handed him. Klaus was a graffiti artist, because why not? They were at some old white building, in the middle of the night, dressed like robbers in all black. Steve didn't know what the building was, or used to be, just that, if someone went inside it would probably collapse. "What are we painting? I have so many ideas. I've always wanted to do this, but if I get caught Pepper will kill me. Me getting into bar fights is enough, but Captain America vandalizing government property? She'd have a conniption, I can already picture the vein popping out of her head."

"If we get caught Loki will kill me for losing my touch, and will disown me because I'm not cool anymore." Klaus pulled a large roll of paper out of a bag he brought, "I brought a stencil, I've been working on it for a couple weeks now. Help me pin it up." 

"What is it?" 

Klaus smirked, "You'll see." The boy handed him a pair of latex gloves and a mask, "Let's get to work." 

_________

"You cannot be serious right now. Klaus, are you and that mutant kid still fighting?" Steve asked as he looked up at the wall.

Klaus shrugged nonchalantly, "Yeah. Why do you ask?" 

Steve looked at the younger blond incredulously, and pointed at the painting, "Maybe the colourful block letters saying "your sister is the best Ramsey, Rat Face, love Scar Face." I thought you two sorted this out months ago." 

"It was, until like two months ago we found out we both paint this wall. I was going to be the mature one, you know, let him be. Then he painted in big block letters, "your mutation sucks, Scar Face. Love, Rat Face." Since I don't know what his power is, this is the only thing I could think of." 

Steve rolled his eyes, "This is pretty tame for someone who's your enemy. Most people would hit deep, tell him something really hurtful." 

"I would never, he may be the worst person I've ever met, but making a childish disagreement personal is not cool. I'm just gonna keep on calling him rat face, and sending him pictures of subway rats with the caption,"This is your cousin, Felicia." That ought to teach him a thing."

"You guys have each other's phone numbers?"

"Obviously. How else am I supposed to tell him I hate him. Send a letter? What is this the medieval times? Every single day without fail, at five in the morning I text,"I hate you." And he replies three hours later, "I hope you fall into a hole and die." It's all very consistent." 

Steve nodded, "It sounds more like you two are flirting."

Klaus gagged, then grimaced, "Ew Steve, what the fuck? He's not even my type, he's all, tan and chiseled and gorgeous, and he has that gross fuckboy hair. Plus, his attitude is horrible, he's always so grumpy and serious. I bet he does puzzles for fun." 

"He's the exact opposite of you then?" 

Klaus gasped, "Did you just call me pale and fat?" 

Steve looked him up and down, "You're not fat, but you have been looking at little more round in the face. When did that happen?" 

"Rat Face said I couldn't gain thirty pounds in two months, and he was right, caused I gain forty." 

"We've been trying to get you to gain weight for seven years, and all we had to do was tell you you couldn't do it?" Steve asked in frustration .

"I survive solely out of spite, never tell me I can't do something. I once got stabbed in the heart by a guard when I was ten, he said I'll be dead by morning." Klaus spread his arms, "Look at me, alive and kicking while he's a pile of ash." 

While Steve was horrified by the revelation, he also started to realise he was an idiot. Hydra created Klaus from his DNA, meaning the boy would be an almost perfect clone of him, (aside from the differences in their features). That meant they had very similar personalities. Steve could remember when it was illegal to be a homosexual, and out of spite he would find himself hooking up with men as a fuck you to society. Of course telling Klaus what to do wouldn't work, they had to tell what not to do.

Klaus could see the cogs turning in Steve's mind, "If you use this information against me, I will never speak to you again." 

__________

Steve watched as Klaus put away several pieces of bacon, while glaring at his phone. His guess, him and Jonathan were "fighting" again. Everyone at the table was staring at him like he was an alien, or some kind of clone. He could understand why, Klaus has never eaten breakfast in the time he's stayed at the tower. 

Steve completely understood the kid's whole eating problem, Hydra fed him once a day, and it was always stale scraps. Now he's out, and he can eat anything he wants, and it got a bit overwhelming. 

Rhodey cleared his throat and got everyone's attention off of Klaus, "So, what's going on with you guys? Tony never told me anything while I was overseas. I can see I missed something huge," The colonel pointed at Klaus, "how the hell did that happen?" 

Klaus wasn't exactly paying attention, so they just looked at him again, and watched as the young blond started his raspberry parfait, in disbelief. Tony answered first, "I have no idea, if I'm being honest. This is the first time I've seen this happen, ever... I don't know whether to be happy or concerned. Do you think he accidentally drugged himself? It would not be the first time that has happened." 

Steve piped in, "His new mutant friend told him he was only good looking because he was so slender, if he gained any weight he wouldn't look good any more. This is completely out of spite to prove a point." 

Bucky sighed, "Jesus Christ, of course. He's almost exactly like you, I should have thought about that, I'm such an idiot. Next time I see that kid, I'm going to hug him." 

Tony snorted, "That's gonna piss Klaus off." 

Klaus looked up, with a bagel in his mouth, "Huh?"

Bucky shook his head, "Doesn't matter. I heard you and Steve hung out last night. I hope you don't let him corrupt you. He keeps making jokes about overthrowing the government and I think he's serious."

Steve rolled his eyes, "Buck, you don't have anything to worry about, I would never do that."

Nat snorted, "You seriously can't expect us to believe you. Your Twitter rants sound like you're a hair away from doing it." 

"Yesterday, you said the president wasn't any better than Hitler." 

Steve shrugged, "Well, it's the god damned truth. And you guys don't have anything to worry about, I won't get Klaus into any trouble. Tony would kill me."

"As long as you're aware of that, because I will kill you. Slowly. Painfully. Bloody. " 

Bucky put a hand in the billionaire's, "Doll, we get it." He looked at Steve, "Tony is not the only one you have to worry about, if you get Klaus in any kind of trouble, he will be the least of your worries."

Klaus rolled his eyes, "Guys, this is ridiculous. I have done so many illegal things, and not once have I been arrested. I doubt it is happening anytime soon."

____________

Klaus sat next to Steve in the jail cell, arms crossed and a frown deeper than the grand canyon. Steve looked sheepish next to him, occasionally glancing at the younger blond, trying to say something. He opened his mouth, but was cut off by a lethal glare. Steve ducked his head and awkwardly cleared his throat.

Klaus finally snapped, "I can't believe you dragged me into this. This is all your fault, I didn't start the fight, I didn't even hit anyone. That is the last time I go to a bar with you. Can't you just not hit people when they say something you don't like. Freedom of speech is a thing you know." 

"Even when they're saying the most horrific things about your best friends? They had to know they couldn't talk about Tony like that." 

Klaus rolled his eyes, "Steve, people talk all the time. They can talk all they want, you can't tell someone how to think. If they don't like Dad, then they don't like him. We can't do anything to change that. Only hit people when they throw the first punch, until then, ignore them. You're just adding fuel to the fire, now his stupidity is burning hotter than ever."

"The things they were saying were disgusting. How are you not angry at them?"

"Steve, I've been called disgusting things my whole life. My best friend looks like he's a ninth degree burn victim, you can imagine the things I've heard about him. My other best friend tried to take over the world. Every time we leave the tower, some asshole always says something. I'm used to it, Steve. I've heard every disgusting thing in the book. People can be nasty, there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop that." 

"So you've just, given up? Is that it?" 

"Yes." 

"I guess we've found something we don't have in common." Steve whispered.

"I guess so."

A cop came and unlocked the cell, "You both made bail." 

Klaus got up first and followed the officer, Steve trailing behind them both. When they got out at the front desk, Klaus took his belongings, and walked over to a very angry looking Tony. The frown on the billionaire's face didn't last, because as soon as he opened his mouth to lecture the boy, Klaus leaned forward and buried his head in the man's neck.

"I'm sorry, dad. If it makes a difference, it was totally Steve's fault." 

The glare Tony sent his way, as he wrapped his arms around the boy, sent a shiver of fear down Steve's spine. Tony held up his free hand and signed, "You are dead."

__________

Steve was surprised, he never expected Klaus to talk to him again, let alone take him somewhere. Although, now that he thought about it, it was kind of terrifying. Klaus just asked him if he was free, and then offered to take him out. The kid never said where they were going, and the streets they were driving on started looking more and more empty. Klaus brought his jeep to a stop, in front of an abandoned looking, whatever it was, and got out.

"We're here." 

Steve hesitated, which made Klaus roll his eyes, "I would never kill you this way, Steve. I would make it look like an accident at the tower, not in some dark alley. Get out, I want to show you something."

Steve cautiously got out of the jeep, and followed Klaus in a dark alley, and down some stairs to a wooden, red door. "This is Sister Margaret's, it's the bar Wade goes to. It should suit your dumbass perfectly. It's filled with mercenaries, and if any fights break out, the cops are never called. It's perfect for you, I swear." 

They walked in, and Klaus was greeted by a tall burly guy, with a thick neck, "Hey kiddo, I see you brought a friend." To Steve's surprise, the man's voice was a lot friendlier than he thought it would be. Klaus gave the guy a short hug.

"This is Steve, he's looking for a new place to drink since he keeps getting kicked out. He's a little too rowdy. Steve, this is Little Mike." 

Steve's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline as he looked up at "Little" Mike, "Hi, nice to meet you." 

Mike nodded and turned back to Klaus, "I'm heading out, I'll see you later, kid." 

"See ya." 

Steve looked around the bar, and spotted Wade at the bar, talking to the bar tender with Vanessa sitting next to him. Steve was startled by the sudden shout of Klaus' name. 

"Klaus! My boy, where have you been? I haven't seen you in weeks. You look amazing. Where the hell did all these muscles come from? Last time I saw you, you were all twinky, and now..." The brunette lady that was talking let out a huff of air, "I don't think the guys can call you a twink anymore." 

Klaus laughed, "Awe, thank Val. But nothing can compare to you, you look gorgeous. Business must be going good."

"Of course it is." She shifted her eyes over to Steve, who stood there awkwardly, and she gave him a flirty smile causing the man to blush, "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your handsome friend, Klaus?"

"This is, Steve. Steve, this is Valerie, she's a stripper, she works with Vanessa. Don't let that beautiful smile trick you, she's the queen of deception." 

Steve and Val kept staring at each other, which made Klaus chuckle, "Val, why don't you show him around, and I'll go to the bar with Weasel and the others." 

She gave him a smirk, "You go do that, Sugar. I'll take good care of your friend." 

Steve's face turned strawberry red, and he scratched the back of his head, "Right, yes. You go do that, Klaus. I'll be fine." 

"Damn right, you are."


End file.
